Your guide to activities and fun things to do with your preschoolers, toddlers and kids in Kansas City, KS

Way before I had kids of my own, I taught preschool and daycare and nannied back in college. I learned a lot from the experiences that really came in handy once I did have kids of my own, mostly because I had seen pretty much every kind of toddler personality, every kind of tantrum, and even every kind of virus. It wasn't that these experiences made me feel like I knew what I was doing once I became a new mom, but they sure did help.

Here's the top five things I learned about young children from those days, and as a mother.

1. Let them do it. Preschoolers want to be so independent. Their masterpieces matter only to them, perfection is not an issue. So what if they get glue on the wrong side or spill glitter allover the table. It all cleans up. Relax.

2. Teach them to ask for help. At the age of two - two and a half, most kids can master communicating that they need help in some way. Once you figure out how they gravitate towards communication, the first thing you might try and teach is "Help me". Whether its words, signs, or a certain grunt and point combination that you learn to recognize, repeat the words, "Help you?" until they start doing it on their own. When you see their frustration, use the same words and tone-but remember, the problem at hand is not the language, but what they need help with. There's a fine line between avoiding baby talk and speaking to a toddler like she's in college. There's no need for "Would you like me to help you with your glue stick?" Because then you're trying to solve the problem of teaching a verbose communication that chances are, isn't at her level, not solving the problem she has at hand: getting help with her gluestick. "Can I help you?" works just fine, and when she hands over the gluestick, both of you have learned a new way to communicate.

3. Let them dress themselves. Again, independence at this age is important to preschoolers. As long as she is dressed appropriately for the weather, who cares if she's wearing jeans with a pink flowy skirt and a black and orange Halloween t-shirt. Let her express her style. And, in case she changes her mind later, stow a change of clothes in her bag for her teacher to have as a backup.

4. Let them get mad. Preschoolers get mad, often. Their emotions choke them like little gremlins - one minute they are soft and furry, and the next they are hairless and screaming monsters. Their brains haven't yet learned how to hold back the monster. If you think about it, there is nothing more honest in the world than an angry child. Let them express their anger safely, dont force them to avoid it. Teach them its okay to be mad, but its not okay to hurt themselves or anyone else because of their anger. Teach them to hit their pillow, bite an apple, or a squeaky toy. Teach them to use their words - that made me angry, that hurt my feelings, You made me mad - give them the sentences and they will learn how to use them. But sometimes, these things won't be enough. And that means...


5. Let tantrums happen. Emotions are finicky things for preschoolers. There is a point at which full blown tantrum can be redirected - if you're seeing the signs early enough, and then there is a point at which it cannot. With toddlers and preschoolers, sometimes their emotions go 0-60 without much warning, and there you are standing in the grocery store with a full cart of frozen foods and a child melting into a puddle at your feet because you said it's too close to dinner time to have that free cookie at the bakery counter. It's embarrassing and horrible. And yes, all those people are judging you. Mean mommy, indeed.

But think of a tantrum in a different context: Your best friend has a bad breakup, and while she seems to be doing fine most days, one morning over coffee at Starbucks she starts to LOSE IT, balling hysterically. What do you do - try and talk her into stopping crying? Why - because people are staring at you and it's embarrassing? Of course not. As adults, we tell each other to cry it out and get it over with. No, you gently lead her into the bathroom so she can have her crying jag in private, you hold her and hug her tight, and then you help her clean up her makeup and take a few deep breaths, and you go out and finish your drinks.

It's the same thing with toddlers and preschoolers. Once the tantrum boils over, its no good to anyone to try and stop it, just let it come. And yes, you calmly walk away from that cart of frozen foods, and find a nice quiet place in the corner of the store to let your child meltdown. Keep in mind it's not even about what set him off anymore, it's about letting the emotions work their way out of his brain stem. No yelling, no bribing, just you standing safely over him while he lays on the floor and kicks and screams. It will be over in a few minutes, and then you wipe the tears, give a hug, and walk back to your cart. But be sure not to reward the event by going back and letting him have that cookie he wanted in the first place, but start a conversation with him about what's for dinner, what story he wants to read before bedtime, or what kind of cars he wants to look for in the car on the way home.


On the flipside of all that, here's the top five things that really don't matter for preschoolers:

1. Language Development. If you really feel like your kid isn't hitting the milestones appropriately, talk to your pediatrician. But don't let the three year old playground princess who speaks in full sentences as if she's 40 freak you out. Milestones have a wide range. Stay informed without panicking, and try not to compare your kid to the neighbor's kid, especially in front of them, where it might give them self-esteem issues. If you're anxious about something, they'll get anxious about it, and Viola! You now have an issue you didn't need.

2. Size and growth. Again, if you are visiting your pediatrician for yearly checkups, you'll have an annual and sometimes semi-annual growth chart to make sure your child is on the right track. Your doctor will let you know if he or she sees something weird, or just something that needs to be watched. Same goes for...

3. Diet, weight and Nutrition. So, yeah - my now eight year old lived on plain pasta, blended yogurt (no chunks of fruit, please), raw carrots and apples for YEARS. Most pediatricians look at diet by week, not by day. Give a multivitamin and relax. Remember, kids are always hungrier during a growth spurt, you'll notice suddenly that your kid can eat six McNuggets instead of just four. This is always a good time to try something new - but not too far out.

4. Gross motor skills. Just like with 1-3 above, all kids are different, they reach milestones at different times. And sometimes, your neighbor gets a born athlete who's on all the peewee sports teams, and you get a clumsy loner with two left feet who prefers to play legos. So what? Teach them how to work with what they have, and excel in different ways. Make sure they have plenty of self-esteem about who they are, and who they may become, and try not to let them hear you comparing them to other kids while sitting poolside with your mommy friends.

5. Let him have the damn cookie. Look, if you have had the kind of day where you have to hit the grocery store after work, with kids in tow, for more than just a gallon of milk, cut yourself some slack. Save yourself the agony and just let him have the free cookie at the bakery. It's called DIVERSION. And it won't kill him, or you. Remember #3 about nutrition? It all works out in the end.